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  • What the book “The Rules” gets totally wrong.
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What the book “The Rules” gets totally wrong.

Peter Niles December 23, 2024
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What the Book “The Rules” Gets Totally Wrong

Recently, I was going through the book “The Rules” because I was curious about the kind of dating advice women give other women. I wanted to see if it might reveal clues about the disconnect between the sexes today. For instance, a recent poll among 18-28-year-olds showed that 66% of men in this age group reported being single, compared to only 33% of women. In this article, I’ll take a few rules from the book, break them down, and discuss whether I agree or disagree with them—and why.

Table of Contents

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  • What the Book “The Rules” Gets Totally Wrong
  • “Don’t Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls” and “Don’t See Him More Than Once or Twice a Week”
  • “Be Honest, But Mysterious”
  • “Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day”
  • “Don’t Live With a Man or Leave Your Things at His Apartment”
  • Final Thoughts on “The Rules”
  • About The Author
    • Peter Niles

“Don’t Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls” and “Don’t See Him More Than Once or Twice a Week”

The first rule I’ll discuss is, “Don’t call him and rarely return his calls,” coupled with “Don’t see him more than once or twice a week.” The authors elaborate on these rules by claiming that calling a man or seeing him too often will make him lose interest. They argue that men may become restless and irritable, eventually stopping communication altogether.

I strongly disagree with this advice. Many books that attempt to describe male attraction toward women get it wrong, often describing the opposite of reality. Most successful men, who are busy and have fulfilling lives, lack the time or desire to chase after someone who doesn’t reciprocate interest. This principle applies to both genders—if someone isn’t engaging during the dating phase, why expect different behavior in a long-term relationship?

For people valuing their time and aiming for a reciprocal relationship, spending quality time together early on is essential to determine compatibility. Playing games like these often deters individuals with self-respect and maturity, attracting only those who thrive on drama. In my opinion, this advice is counterproductive and sets the stage for unstable relationships.


“Be Honest, But Mysterious”

Another rule from the book suggests being “honest, but mysterious.” This advice highlights a broader issue in dating literature aimed at women: a tendency to project their own preferences onto men. I call this phenomenon “attraction projection.”

Social dynamics show that women generally value social cues, such as intrigue and mystery, more than men do. Evolutionary psychology, as outlined by researchers like Dr. David Buss in “Why Women Have Sex,” suggests men and women are attracted to different things. Men are typically drawn to physical cues, while women focus on social and emotional cues. Therefore, while women may find mystery alluring, it’s unlikely to have the same effect on men. The idea that women should embody traits they themselves find attractive, assuming men will respond similarly, is fundamentally flawed.


“Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day”

This rule—“Stop dating him if he doesn’t buy you a romantic gift for your birthday or Valentine’s Day”—is situational and depends on individual values. Some people consider gift-giving a vital expression of love, while others view it as insignificant.

Whether this rule applies to you depends on your relationship’s duration, title, and how much importance you place on gifts. While I don’t have strong feelings about this rule, I find it notable that the author emphasizes it. For some, this might be a valid measure of commitment, but for others, it could come across as superficial.


“Don’t Live With a Man or Leave Your Things at His Apartment”

This rule—“Don’t live with a man or leave your things at his apartment”—has two parts, and I partially agree with it.

Living Together Before Marriage: Research shows that living together before marriage can correlate with worse relationship outcomes, including higher divorce rates, lower marriage rates, and greater dissatisfaction. While the exact reasons remain unclear, one theory is that cohabitation may diminish the excitement and novelty of formalizing a commitment through marriage. From a traditional perspective, I see value in waiting until marriage to cohabitate.

Leaving Things at His Apartment: I disagree with this portion of the rule. Dating serves as a preview of a long-term relationship, and leaving personal items at your partner’s place signals trust and intent to continue building the relationship. If you’re hesitant to leave belongings behind, it may reflect deeper insecurities or doubts about the relationship’s foundation.


Final Thoughts on “The Rules”

In this analysis, I’ve explored several rules from the book “The Rules,” evaluating their relevance and alignment with modern relationship dynamics. While some advice may resonate depending on personal values, much of it is outdated or counterproductive. By examining literature on relationships and considering evolutionary psychology, it’s clear that relationships thrive on mutual respect, open communication, and genuine effort rather than game-playing.

I hope this discussion encourages you to reevaluate assumptions about dating and consider healthier, more balanced approaches to building meaningful connections. Finding common ground and understanding differences between the sexes can lead to more fulfilling relationships for everyone involved.

About The Author

9d0c8c9c1dd9abb2a1e5555c7bf1aae7 Recently, I was going through the book “The Rules” because I was curious about the kind of dating advice women give other women. I wanted to see if it might reveal clues about the disconnect between the sexes today. For instance, a recent poll among 18-28-year-olds showed that 66% of men in this age group reported being single, compared to only 33% of women. In this article, I’ll take a few rules from the book, break them down, and discuss whether I agree or disagree with them—and why.

Peter Niles

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Health benefits of drinking black tea: May lower LDL (bad) cholesterol Supports a healthy gut microbiome Offers moderate caffeine for mental focus May improve blood pressure and circulation Herbal Teas: Caffeine-Free Healing Herbal teas are not derived from the Camellia sinensis plant (like green or black tea), but from herbs, fruits, spices, or flowers. Top herbal teas and their health perks: Chamomile: Reduces anxiety and promotes sleep Peppermint: Aids digestion and relieves bloating Ginger: Eases nausea and supports immunity Rooibos: Antioxidant-rich and caffeine-free If you’re sensitive to caffeine or looking for specific health effects, herbal teas offer powerful benefits without the buzz. The Hidden Dangers of Drinking Tea While the health benefits of drinking tea are significant, overconsumption or poor-quality products can introduce unwanted side effects. Here's what you should watch out for. 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    The Health Benefits of Drinking Tea (and The Hidden Dangers You Should Know) The health benefits of drinking tea are widely celebrated—from improved brain function and fat loss to better heart health and immunity. Whether you enjoy green tea, black tea, or an herbal infusion, tea is one of the most popular beverages in the world, second only to water. But not all cups of tea are created equal. While tea can offer incredible health advantages, it may also expose you to hidden risks like kidney stones, microplastics, heavy metals, and excess fluoride. In this guide, we’ll break down the health benefits of drinking tea and explain how to avoid its lesser-known dangers—so you can sip safely and wisely. The Science-Backed Health Benefits of Drinking Tea Drinking tea regularly can deliver a wide range of health benefits. Let’s look at what the science says about different types of tea and their effects on your body. Green Tea: A Metabolism and Brain Booster Green tea is packed with polyphenols and catechins—particularly EGCG (epigallocatechin gallate)—which are powerful antioxidants. Health benefits of drinking green tea: Boosts metabolism and fat oxidation Improves brain function with L-theanine and caffeine synergy May reduce the risk of several cancers Supports blood sugar control and insulin sensitivity Green tea is often praised for its role in weight loss, longevity, and mental clarity—making it one of the healthiest choices overall. Black Tea: Heart Health and Gut Support Black tea undergoes full oxidation, giving it a richer flavor and deeper color. It’s rich in theaflavins and flavonoids. Health benefits of drinking black tea: May lower LDL (bad) cholesterol Supports a healthy gut microbiome Offers moderate caffeine for mental focus May improve blood pressure and circulation Herbal Teas: Caffeine-Free Healing Herbal teas are not derived from the Camellia sinensis plant (like green or black tea), but from herbs, fruits, spices, or flowers. Top herbal teas and their health perks: Chamomile: Reduces anxiety and promotes sleep Peppermint: Aids digestion and relieves bloating Ginger: Eases nausea and supports immunity Rooibos: Antioxidant-rich and caffeine-free If you’re sensitive to caffeine or looking for specific health effects, herbal teas offer powerful benefits without the buzz. The Hidden Dangers of Drinking Tea While the health benefits of drinking tea are significant, overconsumption or poor-quality products can introduce unwanted side effects. Here's what you should watch out for. Kidney Stones From Excessive Oxalates Black tea, in particular, contains high levels of oxalates, which can bind with calcium in your kidneys to form stones. If you're prone to kidney stones or have a family history, it’s best to moderate your intake. How to lower kidney stone risk: Limit tea to 2–3 cups per day Stay hydrated with plain water Rotate with low-oxalate teas like green or rooibos Microplastics in Tea Bags Some tea bags, especially pyramid-shaped or “silken” styles, are made of plastic mesh (often PET or nylon). When steeped in boiling water, these can release billions of microplastic particles. Why it matters: Microplastics may disrupt hormones Long-term accumulation can lead to inflammation or toxicity Safer tea-drinking tips: Use loose-leaf tea with a stainless steel infuser Choose brands with plastic-free or biodegradable bags Avoid synthetic "silky" tea bags Pesticides and Heavy Metals in Non-Organic Tea Teas grown in polluted regions or processed with poor quality control can contain lead, arsenic, aluminum, or pesticide residues. These can build up in your system and pose long-term health risks. How to protect yourself: Buy certified organic tea Choose brands with transparent sourcing and testing Avoid cheap, generic tea bags with undisclosed origins Caffeine Overload and Sleep Disruption Although tea typically has less caffeine than coffee, it can still lead to side effects in sensitive individuals. Overconsumption of black or green tea may cause: Insomnia Increased anxiety Rapid heart rate Acid reflux Tip: Cut off caffeinated teas 6–8 hours before bedtime, and choose herbal teas in the evening to promote rest. Fluoride Buildup From Over-Steeped Tea Tea plants naturally absorb fluoride from the soil, especially older, lower-quality leaves used in mass-market teas. Excess fluoride can contribute to: Joint pain or bone issues Dental fluorosis Hormonal imbalances Minimize fluoride exposure by: Choosing high-quality, loose-leaf teas Using purified water Not over-steeping your tea How to Safely Enjoy the Health Benefits of Drinking Tea The good news? You can enjoy all the health benefits of drinking tea while avoiding the hidden dangers with just a few smart habits. Choose Loose-Leaf Tea Loose-leaf tea: Has fewer contaminants Avoids plastic-based bags Is often fresher and more flavorful Use a stainless steel, ceramic, or BPA-free silicone infuser for best results. Rotate Your Teas Avoid overloading your system with any one compound. Rotating between green, white, herbal, and rooibos teas reduces your risk of oxalate or fluoride buildup. Steep Wisely Proper steeping enhances benefits and reduces harsh compounds. Green tea: 160–180°F for 1–2 minutes Black tea: 200–212°F for 3–5 minutes Herbal tea: Boiling water for 5–7 minutes Avoid over-steeping, which can increase tannin and caffeine content. Drink in Moderation Stick to 2–3 cups per day unless you’ve been advised otherwise by your doctor. Too much tea—even healthy varieties—can stress your kidneys or digestive system. Stay Hydrated Tea is hydrating, but some varieties (especially black and green) have mild diuretic effects. Balance your tea intake with plain water to stay fully hydrated. Buy Organic and Trusted Brands Look for labels that say: USDA Organic Fair Trade Certified Non-GMO Verified These indicate better farming and processing standards—and fewer contaminants. Frequently Asked Questions About the Health Benefits of Drinking Tea Is it safe to drink tea every day? Yes, in moderation. Drinking 2–3 cups daily can be beneficial, especially if you rotate types and choose high-quality teas. Which tea has the most health benefits? Green tea is one of the most studied and offers powerful antioxidant, metabolic, and cardiovascular benefits. Can tea damage your kidneys? Only in excess. Teas high in oxalates (like black tea) can contribute to kidney stones if consumed excessively or without hydration. What is the safest tea to drink daily? Rooibos and herbal teas are safe, caffeine-free options for daily consumption. Green tea in moderation is also considered very safe. Are tea bags bad for your health? Some are. Bags made with plastic mesh can release microplastics. Opt for loose-leaf or organic, plastic-free bagged teas instead. Final Thoughts: Tea Can Be a Healing Ritual or a Hidden Risk The health benefits of drinking tea are undeniable—boosted immunity, better focus, weight management, and stress relief. But to unlock those benefits safely, it's important to stay informed about the risks. By choosing quality tea, avoiding plastic bags, managing oxalates and fluoride, and drinking in moderation, you can enjoy every cup with peace of mind. So brew smarter, sip cleaner, and let your tea habit support your health—not compromise it.
    • Health and Fitness

    The Health Benefits of Drinking Tea (and The Hidden Dangers You Should Know)

    AbundanceArchitect April 10, 2025
    The Health Benefits of Drinking Tea (and The Hidden Dangers You Should Know) The health benefits of...
    Read More Read more about The Health Benefits of Drinking Tea (and The Hidden Dangers You Should Know)
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    The Health Benefits of Drinking Tea (and The Hidden Dangers You Should Know) The health benefits of drinking tea are widely celebrated—from improved brain function and fat loss to better heart health and immunity. Whether you enjoy green tea, black tea, or an herbal infusion, tea is one of the most popular beverages in the world, second only to water. But not all cups of tea are created equal. While tea can offer incredible health advantages, it may also expose you to hidden risks like kidney stones, microplastics, heavy metals, and excess fluoride. In this guide, we’ll break down the health benefits of drinking tea and explain how to avoid its lesser-known dangers—so you can sip safely and wisely. The Science-Backed Health Benefits of Drinking Tea Drinking tea regularly can deliver a wide range of health benefits. Let’s look at what the science says about different types of tea and their effects on your body. Green Tea: A Metabolism and Brain Booster Green tea is packed with polyphenols and catechins—particularly EGCG (epigallocatechin gallate)—which are powerful antioxidants. Health benefits of drinking green tea: Boosts metabolism and fat oxidation Improves brain function with L-theanine and caffeine synergy May reduce the risk of several cancers Supports blood sugar control and insulin sensitivity Green tea is often praised for its role in weight loss, longevity, and mental clarity—making it one of the healthiest choices overall. Black Tea: Heart Health and Gut Support Black tea undergoes full oxidation, giving it a richer flavor and deeper color. It’s rich in theaflavins and flavonoids. Health benefits of drinking black tea: May lower LDL (bad) cholesterol Supports a healthy gut microbiome Offers moderate caffeine for mental focus May improve blood pressure and circulation Herbal Teas: Caffeine-Free Healing Herbal teas are not derived from the Camellia sinensis plant (like green or black tea), but from herbs, fruits, spices, or flowers. Top herbal teas and their health perks: Chamomile: Reduces anxiety and promotes sleep Peppermint: Aids digestion and relieves bloating Ginger: Eases nausea and supports immunity Rooibos: Antioxidant-rich and caffeine-free If you’re sensitive to caffeine or looking for specific health effects, herbal teas offer powerful benefits without the buzz. The Hidden Dangers of Drinking Tea While the health benefits of drinking tea are significant, overconsumption or poor-quality products can introduce unwanted side effects. Here's what you should watch out for. Kidney Stones From Excessive Oxalates Black tea, in particular, contains high levels of oxalates, which can bind with calcium in your kidneys to form stones. If you're prone to kidney stones or have a family history, it’s best to moderate your intake. How to lower kidney stone risk: Limit tea to 2–3 cups per day Stay hydrated with plain water Rotate with low-oxalate teas like green or rooibos Microplastics in Tea Bags Some tea bags, especially pyramid-shaped or “silken” styles, are made of plastic mesh (often PET or nylon). When steeped in boiling water, these can release billions of microplastic particles. Why it matters: Microplastics may disrupt hormones Long-term accumulation can lead to inflammation or toxicity Safer tea-drinking tips: Use loose-leaf tea with a stainless steel infuser Choose brands with plastic-free or biodegradable bags Avoid synthetic "silky" tea bags Pesticides and Heavy Metals in Non-Organic Tea Teas grown in polluted regions or processed with poor quality control can contain lead, arsenic, aluminum, or pesticide residues. These can build up in your system and pose long-term health risks. How to protect yourself: Buy certified organic tea Choose brands with transparent sourcing and testing Avoid cheap, generic tea bags with undisclosed origins Caffeine Overload and Sleep Disruption Although tea typically has less caffeine than coffee, it can still lead to side effects in sensitive individuals. Overconsumption of black or green tea may cause: Insomnia Increased anxiety Rapid heart rate Acid reflux Tip: Cut off caffeinated teas 6–8 hours before bedtime, and choose herbal teas in the evening to promote rest. Fluoride Buildup From Over-Steeped Tea Tea plants naturally absorb fluoride from the soil, especially older, lower-quality leaves used in mass-market teas. Excess fluoride can contribute to: Joint pain or bone issues Dental fluorosis Hormonal imbalances Minimize fluoride exposure by: Choosing high-quality, loose-leaf teas Using purified water Not over-steeping your tea How to Safely Enjoy the Health Benefits of Drinking Tea The good news? You can enjoy all the health benefits of drinking tea while avoiding the hidden dangers with just a few smart habits. Choose Loose-Leaf Tea Loose-leaf tea: Has fewer contaminants Avoids plastic-based bags Is often fresher and more flavorful Use a stainless steel, ceramic, or BPA-free silicone infuser for best results. Rotate Your Teas Avoid overloading your system with any one compound. Rotating between green, white, herbal, and rooibos teas reduces your risk of oxalate or fluoride buildup. Steep Wisely Proper steeping enhances benefits and reduces harsh compounds. Green tea: 160–180°F for 1–2 minutes Black tea: 200–212°F for 3–5 minutes Herbal tea: Boiling water for 5–7 minutes Avoid over-steeping, which can increase tannin and caffeine content. Drink in Moderation Stick to 2–3 cups per day unless you’ve been advised otherwise by your doctor. Too much tea—even healthy varieties—can stress your kidneys or digestive system. Stay Hydrated Tea is hydrating, but some varieties (especially black and green) have mild diuretic effects. Balance your tea intake with plain water to stay fully hydrated. Buy Organic and Trusted Brands Look for labels that say: USDA Organic Fair Trade Certified Non-GMO Verified These indicate better farming and processing standards—and fewer contaminants. Frequently Asked Questions About the Health Benefits of Drinking Tea Is it safe to drink tea every day? Yes, in moderation. Drinking 2–3 cups daily can be beneficial, especially if you rotate types and choose high-quality teas. Which tea has the most health benefits? Green tea is one of the most studied and offers powerful antioxidant, metabolic, and cardiovascular benefits. Can tea damage your kidneys? Only in excess. Teas high in oxalates (like black tea) can contribute to kidney stones if consumed excessively or without hydration. What is the safest tea to drink daily? Rooibos and herbal teas are safe, caffeine-free options for daily consumption. Green tea in moderation is also considered very safe. Are tea bags bad for your health? Some are. Bags made with plastic mesh can release microplastics. Opt for loose-leaf or organic, plastic-free bagged teas instead. Final Thoughts: Tea Can Be a Healing Ritual or a Hidden Risk The health benefits of drinking tea are undeniable—boosted immunity, better focus, weight management, and stress relief. But to unlock those benefits safely, it's important to stay informed about the risks. By choosing quality tea, avoiding plastic bags, managing oxalates and fluoride, and drinking in moderation, you can enjoy every cup with peace of mind. So brew smarter, sip cleaner, and let your tea habit support your health—not compromise it.
    Health and Fitness featured Holistic Health

    The Health Benefits of Drinking Tea (and The Hidden Dangers You Should Know)

    AbundanceArchitect
    April 10, 2025 0

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